Long distance weddings - the good, the bad and the scary!

I headed off camping with my family this week, so I asked fellow blogger Ember if she would be willing to put one together for me. Ember also happens to be my wonderful baby sister and she and her husband had their wedding in our yard a couple of summers ago. 8 hours from their home in Edmonton. Between her florist cancelling 9 weeks before the wedding, a guest room block that somehow never got set in the hotels computer and the hotel her wedding night suite was supposed to be in not being open for her wedding date it was an . . . adventure to say the least. The wedding itself was amazing and beautiful and went off perfectly.  Here is what she learned in the process:

Ember on her wedding day.

                For all you brides out there who are living somewhere other than where you plan on getting married, I have some advice. No worries, it won’t be one of the seven million interesting but completely useless tidbits people feel like giving.  I promise. I’m merely imparting some hard won lessons, and you lucky people get to benefit. Really.

                If you are considering having your wedding long distance, my first advice to you is don’t.

Just don’t. If there is any other option for you that will still provide you the wedding you’re dreaming of, take it. If you are a control freak, are easily stressed out (and most brides are, the stress and tears are one of those rights of passage you get to sit around bragging about when some other hapless friend or relative announces their intention to tie the knot), or have a very hard time delegating the details of the most important day of your life so far to someone else, drop the idea, find a nice park or church where you live,  and go with it. If you think that you are able to be laid back, if you can understand that no wedding goes exactly according to plan and that goes double for one being planned several hours away, if you trust the person on the ground doing your running and cake tasting and planning implicitly, then go for it. You can have a very magical wedding that way!

                Step one for the bride trying to plan a wedding elsewhere is Get Some Help. Let me repeat that… GET HELP. This kind of wedding is one that will make a wedding planner worth every penny of their fee. They know the area, they know if that charming little spot you loved growing up has been booked two years ahead of time, and they know what vendors to go with and which to avoid.  If you don’t want a wedding planner, then find someone who lives there who is willing to do an insane amount of running around for you that is willing to act as your feet on the ground. My sister was mine- the lovely lady who helped you with your dress? I put her through A LOT.  She managed to pull off exactly what I wanted and needed. You need to make sure the person you choose is dedicated to helping you do the same- after all, you want YOUR wedding, not what your mother, sister, or cousin Sally wants for your wedding. Without help, planning your wedding will go from exciting, stressful and fun to stressful. I mean it.

                I highly recommend that if you are going to have lots of out of town guests make sure they have somewhere to stay. If they aren’t familiar with the area, it’s also a good idea to include some information about the area and it’s attractions in your invitation. Now- by making sure your guests have somewhere to stay, I do not mean you have to pay. I mean block some hotel rooms off so that your guests don’t arrive at three AM the night before your wedding and discover their room has been sold out from under them.  This happened to one of my bridesmaids, and it was not. Pretty.

                If you are not allowing children at your reception, try to arrange for childcare for out of town guests.  This does not mean you have to pay the baby sitter- just have one (or two, depending on the number of kids) on standby so parents can have fun too.

SO, to sum this long winded epic of a post up:

-Avoid a long-distance wedding if you can

-If you MUST have a long distance wedding, be ready to delegate. Get a long distance plan on your cell phone. You will need it. Expect to spend long periods of time going back and forth with your person on the ground about details.

-MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PERSON ON THE GROUND!!! Also, make sure this person knows what you want in detail. Then trust them to carry it out.

-Your marriage certificate is purchased from the province you are marrying in, not the one you are living in.  If you are getting married in a smaller area, get it sooner rather than later. They can run out.

-Expect things to go wrong. Almost anything can be fixed. Don’t freak out about it until you and your alter-ego have tried every avenue to fix it.

-Arrange for hotel availability. If you get married on a popular weekend like I did, you will find that good hotel rooms are a hot commodity.  Try to include suggestions for things to do for guests who come a day or two early. Try to also arrange for your babysitters to be based out of a hotel room in the same hotel.

-If you are serving booze at your reception (and let’s face it, you will probably need a drink or two by this point!) make sure there is a way for your guests to get back to their hotel rooms. You do not want to start your married life by fighting a lawsuit because one of your inebriated guests got behind the wheel of a car.

Getting  married long distance is exciting and stressful, but with proper planning and the right attitude you can pull off an amazing wedding!

A leather anniversary? Oh the possiblities!

August 31^st my husband and I will be celebrating our 9^th anniversary. And I sit here wondering, what on earth do I get him? What do I ask for?

As with many couples with young families, money is limited, so that trip around the world I want? Yeah, that will have to wait a few years yet. We booth need new windshield wipers, we could buy them for each other but that seems just depressingly practical. So what do you do?

You may not know this but, just like there are a crazy number of traditions to do with getting married, there are specific gifts for the annual celebration of that marriage. Both traditional and modern.

Traditional:

Year	Theme
1	Paper	A card is a cop out here. Anything from concert tickets to a love poem works well for this important milestone. The trick with anniversary one is to make certain the gift means something. A neat option are the notebooks made by www.newleafhandmade.com. Perhaps a love letter written on the first page could start an annual tradition? The first year can be the toughest in a marriage and making it through needs to be celebrated.
2	Cotton	Hmmmm . . . clothes? Bedding? New towels?
3	Leather	I gave my husband a leather jacket as a wedding gift and it would work great for an anniversary gift idea. As would a new watch or wallet or a set of car seat covers. Of course there are a mind boggling array of other leather gift ideas if your relationship goes that way. Me, I’ve got a thing for the boots :D
4	Fruit/Flowers	This is a great gift to be able to send to work. Show you care and let your spouse ‘show off’ that you care.
5	Wood	Get your mind out of the gutter. Not that romance isn't a great anniversary gift. But how about golf clubs? Friends of mine planted a tree, which I thought was a really cool way to celebrate this one.
6	Candy or Iron	Golf clubs count here also. Chocolate is always a winner.
7	Wool or Copper	A sweater is great here, as well as scarves, hats, coats, suits and more. Copper could be jewellery or cookwear. There is some beautiful copper art out there.
8	Bronze	www.findgift.com suggests art work for this one. They have a really cool bronze door knocker as well. Or maybe an engraved family tree.
9	Pottery	I’m big into coffee mugs. A hand crafted mug would be on my wish list for this one. A fruit bowl or other kitchen stuff works great here. For the men it would be harder. Maybe this is why the modern version is leather!
10	Tin/Aluminum	A dozen beer is the first thing that pops into my head on this one! But how about a photo frame or garden ornament? www.findgift.com has some cool monogrammed golf club links – little buttons you put in the top of your clubs. www.tingifts.com has a huge selection of jewellery and things as well.
11	Steel	Watches, cutlery, beer steins, a new toaster. I found a surprising number of gift suggestions when I typed this one in.
12	Silk	The possibilities here are endless. Shirts, ties, suits, dresses, lingerie, fashion scarves. Be careful on quality.
13	Lace	Another that is easy to buy for women but a challenge for men. Unless of course you buy something lacy for her to wear and him to enjoy!
14	Ivory	Real ivory is difficult to come by as most critters that supply it are on the endangered species list. According to www.well-chosen-gift.com there are a couple of alternatives. "Mandarin" ivory, a polyresin commonly known as alabastrite, or "Vegetable" ivory, actually the tagua palm nut of South America. They also suggest the colour ivory would work well for this anniversary and I think that’s an excellent idea.
15	Crystal	Ah, wine glasses, tumblers, liquor decanters, paper weights . . . the list for crystal is as easy to fill as the one for silk.
20	China	After 20 years choosing china together should be easy. It’s likely way past time to replace the everyday kitchenware. And by the time you hit the 20th often your children will be the ones buying your anniversary gifts.
25	Silver	Once you hit these big ones jewellery is the obvious answer. Earrings, neck pieces or watches for her. Watches, cufflinks, pens or tie clips for him.
30	Pearl
35	Coral
40	Ruby
45	Sapphire
50	Gold
55	Emerald
60	Diamond

Modern:

Year	Theme	Gift ideas
1	Clocks	Big or small, desk or wall, there are a ton of clocks out there. Check out www.giftclocks.com for an amazing variety of ideas.
2	China	Every couple needs a decent set of everyday china. If you didn’t receive this for a wedding gift, this is a great time to choose one.
3	Crystal/Glass	Same with glass wear.
4	Appliances	Pretty self explanatory. These don’t have to mean a new fridge and stove. Toasters, blenders and mixers count too. Men, a tip here, check with her BEFORE buying one. Some women get really insulted by this.
5	Silverware	You see, if you use the modern list by your tenth anniversary your house hold is totally set!
6	Wood	There are some very cool wooden gifts out there beyond what we talked about in traditional. www.woodgifts.ca is the outlet for Smiling Frog wood studio and they have BEAUTIFUL suggestions from jewellery boxes to magic wands.
7	Desk Set	There are so many versions of desk sets out there, you can be sure to find something any spouse with a desk would enjoy.
8	Linens/Lace	For her – table clothes, throw pillows, curtains. For him – shirts and suits. Linen textured paper could easily work for this one also.
9	Leather	To add to the list above: leather footstool, a belt, luggage, a duffle bag or a purse. On www.findgift.com they had the coolest antique 1587 map of the world on leather. Of course the boots would be a hit in my house. Or maybe a leather beer holster? Check out http://www.beeroutlaw.com/info-classic.html
10	Diamond jewellery	Pretty self explanatory I think. 10 years is a big deal in a modern marriage. For men think rings, watches and tie clips.
11	Fashion Jewellery	We’ve got a great selection of fashion jewellery in store but some women may be wondering what to get for their man for this one. Well, guess what girls. Guys wear bracelets too! Type ‘fashion jewellery for men’ into your web browser and an amazing selection of sites will pop up. www.askmen.com had a great article on jewellery men can wear and how to wear it.
12	Pearls	A classic pearl necklace for her. A pearl handled revolver for him. ;-) just kidding. But you can get some beautiful pearl inset pens or pocket knives.
13	Textiles or fur	Anything fabric or fur? Yep.
14	Gold Jewellery	Again, these guys pretty much explain themselves.
15	Watch
20	Platinum
25	Silver
30	Diamond
35	Jade
40	Ruby
45	Sapphire
50	Gold
55	Emerald
60	Diamond

I wonder how my dear husband would feel about a leather beer holster?



courtesy of 'beer outlaw. com'



I'm kidding Luv.

Hopefully these ideas have gotten you started on your search to find something thoughtful and special to buy the love of your life. The big rule here is it should remind both of you what an amazing gift you gave each other when you exchanged your vows.

Marriage is so much more then a piece of paper. An anniversary is so much more then an excuse for a present. If nothing else, make certain to take some time for each other to commemorate that special day you pledged your lives to each other.

A rooster in the hen house. Or, should your man help choose your wedding gown?

Bridal gown shopping is women’s business. It’s something you do with your mom, your best friend, you sister. Men are not usually involved, and if you were to ask most of them, they don’t want to be.

But let’s answer the first question that many brides ask – is it bad luck?  Well, after much web research I found that the groom not seeing the bride or the bride’s gown is a combination of things.

-          Way back when many marriages were arranged they were a business agreement between the parents. The couple was kept apart until after the vows were finalized. This way, the groom could not back out if he found his new wife was not . . . up to his expectations when he lifted the veil.  

-          It was considered bad luck for a bride to put her complete bridal outfit on before the day of the wedding. The actually sewing of gowns was often not completed until the day of in order to prevent this. And WAY back when, brides were often sewn into their gowns on their wedding day, so there was simply no way for the groom to see the gown before his bride was in it. 

-          Wow factor. As a guest at a wedding I love to see the look on the grooms face when he sees his bride for the first time. The bride I can watch all the way down the aisle. The groom is who I look at as the processional music starts. Many feel that this ‘Wow’ is lost if the couple sees each other before the actual ceremony. But then again, many don’t.

So really, it isn’t bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her gown while she’s hunting for that perfect dress. The question is not “can he” or even “should he”. It is “do you want him to?" and "does he want to?”

If he doesn’t want to be there, don’t force him. There are plenty of women out there who would love to help another woman find a wedding gown. I’ve had total strangers volunteer to play audience to a bride's dress up time when they realized she had no one there to help her and everyone enjoyed it. If he doesn’t want to be there it will cast a gloom on the appointment and could really ruin the whole experience for you.

Just a tip, if your man is one who answers “fine” when ever you ask him how an outfit looks, his presence will not be helpful. Lol

(posted with permission)

If he wants to be there, then do you want him there? Well, think about the following questions before you decide:

- Is the wow factor important to you?

- Do you have a dream gown in mind?

- How will you handle it if you find a gown you love and he doesn’t like it?

- What if he loves a gown you hate?

- Does he have a realistic idea of what a bridal gown could cost?

- Will he give you the time you need to try on several gowns?

 These are questions you need to answer for yourself before you invite your fiancé to shop. Then again, these are questions you need to ask of anyone you bring with you on this quest.

Bridal gown shopping is, for most brides, emotional as much as it is ‘visual’.  There are exceptions of course. But for most brides, when you put on that gown, THE gown, you will know. You will FEEL like a bride. You will feel beautiful/elegant/like a princess. What ever that secret part of you was looking for, this is what your bridal gown should make you feel.

It is a beautiful moment and I will never get tired of it. If your co-shoppers are the right people for the job their first question with every gown will be “how do you feel about this one?” Input on the specifics should not be offered until the bride has decided if the gown is in the running or not.

Long and short, the gown is about the bride. It’s what she wants and feels beautiful in. How she sees that fitting with the theme, budget and traditions she and her groom have decided to follow. If a bride has decided having her groom help choose the gown is important to her, then why not?